A Lesson in Regret

Once upon a time there was the best babysitter ever! I was having such a hard time finding someone care for my precious baby girl, and with Zack still finishing up school, I just couldn't stay home. By a remarkable turn of events, that I can only assume involved divine intervention, we found Dawn. She soon became an invaluable part of our lives. She was so much more than a daycare provider. It was just Dawn and Shayna, and she loved Shayna like she was her own. She brought her to my school so that I could nurse her; She bought things for her; She cooked for us; She kept a diary of the things that happened each day, so that I wouldn't feel so sad about being away from her. Put simply... she loved us well. And we loved her in return. She was a mentor to me in my early years of parenting. She had five children of her own, who she was raising to be kind, respectful, and God-loving. We spent many happy days together celebrating birthdays, sharing meals, enjoying our children together. I thought we would always be close. Fate had other plans, however. She went through a divorce, and moved away from our neighborhood. Zack got a different job, and we moved away from her city. I intended, of course, to keep in touch. I let time slip away from me. Nearly 5 years went by with only a couple of phone calls and Christmas cards. Her daughter found me today on Facebook, and told me that Dawn had a massive stroke in September and passed instantly. I am consumed today, by regret... by the thought of what could have been, if only I had tried a little harder. My children could have had more memories to hold onto. She had so much to give, and she gave it with her whole heart. I feel so blessed to have known Dawn, and am so thankful for her part in raising my Shayna. Today I grieve, but tomorrow I hold my babies a little tighter; write a note to someone I haven't spoken to in too long; give my love a little more freely, because "if only" are two of the saddest words in the world.