Good mother... or bad?

Back when I was a mama to only two children, I had this prideful notion that I was a really good parent. Because Shayna and Riley were such easy children to parent, they helped to nurture this notion. They listened and obeyed; They smiled much more than they cried; They never threw temper tantrums. I would take them to restaurants and people would compliment us on what wonderful and well-behaved children we had. I found myself judging other parents whose children were noisy and disobedient. I would look at a parent struggling with a toddler throwing a tantrum at the grocery store, and think ugly thoughts. Then... along came Owen. From the start, Owen was much more difficult and demanding. As an infant, he was not happy unless you were holding, rocking or bouncing him. As a toddler, he got into everything. The cabinet locks we never bothered to put on when Shayna and Riley were little, were quickly purchased and installed. He was continually testing the limits of his environment, as well as my patience. As a second grader he needs frequent reminders to do his work rather than visit with his friends. Don't misunderstand, Owen has more than his share of wonderful qualities. People are drawn to his charm , and his outgoing and friendly personality have blessed him with an abundance of friends. He simply demands more parental energy. Then, just when I thought I had a handle on Owen, Evan arrived in our lives. Evan who, at 18 months thought he would venture down the road to see Dad at work while I was downstairs putting laundry in the washer. (The woman who brought him back to our house must have had really well-behaved children, because she gave me one of those judgement- filled looks) Evan who tried to quit kindergarten when things didn't go his way. Evan who is easily distracted and highly impulsive, and sometimes downright defiant. Owen and Evan are similar in many ways and, as it turns out, Evan is proving to be even more of a challenge to my parenting skills. It's interesting to note that Shayna and Riley have very similar personalities, as do Owen and Evan. The older two tend to be quiet and reserved, while the younger two are gregarious and extroverted. The older two tend to comply while the younger two push the boundaries of authority. As a mama to these very different little people, I have come to realize that it is not about me or what kind of mommy I am. There is nothing so very different in the way I am parenting my children. THEY are different. It is for this reason that I have long referred to Owen as 'my lesson in pride'. It has never been about me, or whether I was a 'good' or a 'bad' mother. This 'lesson' has taught me to be slower to pass judgement on other mamas. Now when I see that mommy struggling with her toddler in the grocery store, I give her an encouraging smile or a kind word to let her know that I've been there, because aren't we all just doing the best we can?